Gym Dorks VS Normal People. The battle continues…
Rusty – Visual Impact [received this email from Rusty and forgot to publish it until now!]
Let’s start off this subject of “Dorky” gym behavior with a story.
It begins in 1982. My first year of Junior High.
…and ends in the present day.
Begin story (flashback to 82′).
I was really nervous my first day of Junior High.
You see…I went to an elementary school full of well-behaved kids who actually cared about learning: Brown’s Point Elementary.
Half of my JR High consisted of Brown’s Point…but half the students were from an elementary school full of trouble makers.
North East Elementary
The kids from North East were all about skipping class, smoking, canning, giving kids swirlies, pantsing, wedgies, atomic wedgies, spit yo-yo’s, and they all loved Iron Maiden.
I had never even seen an Iron Maiden T-shirt until my first day of JR High.
I swear almost every kid from their school was wearing a black Iron Maiden Shirt.
All the kids from our school were really into the classes.
The the kids from North East, would disrupt and make some classes a living hell.
The worst was Metal Shop.
Me and my friend Craig have to take an elective and choose metal shop.
We are the only kids in the class from Brown’s Point Elementary.
In my mind we were like Gary & Wyatt from Weird Science,
…walking in to a Sons of Anarchy meeting.
So out of place!
I mentioned “spit yo-yo’s” above the Iron Maiden picture at the top of this email.
I am being completely honest…
I’m convinced that 25-30% of our class spent the entire period doing spit yo-yo’s!
I’m talking every single day!
What is a spit yo-yo?
Glad you asked 🙂
These guys would form a bunch of spit in their mouth.
Let the spit dribble out.
Slurp up the spit back into their mouth.
The goal would be to see how far they could drool before slurping the spit up.
“Duuude! That was a long one!”
I’m still traumatized from my 3 months in metal shop.
Disclaimer: There were some nice kids from their school as well…just a large percentage of trouble makers who made it hard to learn at times.
Fast forward to 1999.
I’m managing a store called “Structure” in a mall south of Seattle.
This place was funny because they would hold a yearly nationwide competition for guys to be featured on the “Structure Calendar”.
I thought the whole thing was ridiculous.
Guys would bring in shirtless photos into our store and we would mail them off to corporate headquarters.
They would then stop back in the store every few days or call and bug me…”Was I chosen?” “Have you heard back from your headquarters?”.
A lot of these guys were extremely “douchey” (a term we didn’t use back then, but spot on).
…but these aren’t the main group that I have a gripe with.
This picture below sums up the type of guy that irritated the heck out of me back then.
Suburban Wannabe Gangsta’s fo life!
…our mall was crawling with these guys.
Typically White or Asian.
They thought they were “Straight Outta Compton”.
…but lived in nice middle class suburban neighborhoods.
Unfortunately these guys LOVED stealing Structure Underwear.
They hated everything else in our store because we didn’t carry XXXL sized shirts.
Note: It didn’t matter that some of these kids were 120 pounds. They wanted XXXL shirts…and pants with a 38-40 waist.
Our underwear was expensive and was exactly the brand they wanted sticking out of their sagging pants.
(If you still wear your pants like this, by the way…please hit yourself upside the head…then continue reading).
Half of my day was chasing these “tools” out of my store.
The worst was a guy we nicknamed “Cat Fish”.
We called him Cat Fish, because of his mustache.
You see Cat Fish didn’t have strong mustache genes like Tom Selleck.
Cat Fish had maybe 10-15 long dark hairs for a mustache.
(A sexy cat fish style mustache…hence the nickname).
…and I’m convinced he stole more Structure underwear than anyone in that mall.
We even got him banned from the mall.
He would come back in with a different hat or hair cut.
…but kept that same scuzzy mustache.
A dead giveaway that finally got him arrested at one point.
The worst part of this whole situation is that there were more wannabe gansta kids walking around than normal people.
They would harass my sales people, because my sales people were wearing boot cut jeans and fitted clothing, etc.
Sometimes you can be a cool normal person, and be in the minority.
The dorks are the majority in some situations.
Like my JR High and that mall I worked at…dorks sometimes outnumber normal people.
This happens quite often in gyms.
My gym is 25% normal people and about 75% dork.
People don’t re-rack their weights.
Guys will rotate between 4-5 pieces of equipment.
Flexing in the mirror.
Working out in front of the dumbbell rack.
…even the personal trainers exhibit bad etiquette.
More often than not, this will be the case in a lot of gyms.
If this is the case for you…
Don’t let it bother you.
Get your workout in anyway.
I’ve had a gym membership since 1987, and have been exposed to this bizarro subculture for decades.
I’m on your side and completely “get it”.
I also know how to help people lift in a way that helps them build their ideal physique.
If you don’t have one of my courses…
I highly recommend you at least read the sales page.
Men’s Course —-> Visual Impact Muscle Building
Women’s Course —-> Visual Impact for Women
I take a entirely different approach in helping people reach their peak.
…and if this email resonates with you at all, I’m sure you will dig it.
PS: I’m mainly talking about guys here…but it is just as bad for women.
Swirlie: A form of punishment in which the victim is held upside down over a toilet, with his head in the toilet bowl, while it is flushed.
Pantsing: The act or practice of pulling someone’s pants down.
Canning: A form of hazing that involves throwing a lower classman into a garbage can.
Wedgie: Getting your underwear pulled from the back until they stretch or rip.
Atomic wedgie: A super wedgie where the goal is to actually get the underpants over the head.
Spit Yo-Yo: See above for definition…or not 🙂
Visual Impact Muscle Building: A course aimed at guys who want to increase muscle definition and density…without adding muscle at all costs. The goal is to wind up with a sleek “Hollywood” style physique…instead of bulky bloated mass.
Visual Impact for Women: A course aimed at women who want to get fit, but still fit into stylish clothes. The goal is to get in shape without having to go up 2-3 pants sizes.